I was hiking with my two dogs, Pax and G-Man, listening to “Dear Evan Hansen,” and was contemplating “Life.”
I know rather odd, maybe, but that is just something I have learned to embrace about myself; I am odd at times, most of the time, LOL!
It triggered thoughts of my suicide attempts in my life and also contemplating the question, “What is my purpose in life?”
In the Song “Disappear,” I was thinking, what if I had been successful and life had ended?
What would have happened?
Would I have mattered?
I thought, as the song says, every life matters.
My life would have had a very different meaning.
In this fast-paced world of Social Media, events become a moment in time, and then another event takes our interest and focus.
It may “trend” for a bit but soon be forgotten.
It also flowed into thoughts of “What is MY purpose?”
In this age of global sharing and trending, capturing the imaginations of bigger-than-life purpose, I ask myself, “who am I?”
The song “You Will Be Found” is a song of hope that you have touched a life no matter who you are.
“When you don’t feel strong enough to stand, you can reach out, reach out your hand. and oh, oh, someone will come running, and I know they’ll take you home, Even when the dark comes crashing thru when you need a friend to carry you, and when you are broken on the ground, you will be found.”
I have acknowledged that after my Mom transitioned in 2004, I haven’t been living MY life; I have allowed others to tell me what I should be doing, what I should be feeling, what I owe the world.
So I have been on a quest to find my passion and voice and search my heart; what does Greg want?
Depression in my early teens and HIV diagnoses in my twenties, an abusive relationship, losses, brain injuries from my diving, more depression, and I am still here.
I made peace with the prospects of my death, and I would be content; I have accomplished a lot!
I have contemplated my purpose and what I keep coming back to is to live!
Isn’t that enough?
I don’t feel I need a lofty “purpose” to live an extraordinary life; I need to live and breathe into every moment of it.
To appreciate my dogs that love me unconditionally and be present with them.
To be with friends and truly listen and feel them when they are speaking to me.
To share a thought with others without judgment or instruction.
Being present on a hike in nature and soak all of it in, the brash sounds of construction, or the call of a hawk, or the howling of a coyote, or the rustling of a tree or bush from the wind, the gentle soft touch of a breeze, the warmth, or coolness of it.
To also not have or hold onto regrets or resentments. Life just is!
For me, the key is to find the extraordinary in each moment, the beauty in all that comes my way; it isn’t good or bad, it is!
Embrace it! It may be something you want to avoid in the future, like hitting your head on a springboard, but you live thru it and learn your preferences for not doing some stupid shit in your life.